Good parenting is one of the most difficult challenges of life. Being a calm parent and keeping control over your emotions and reactions while dealing with disobedient and disrespectful kids may seem impossible. You wish your kids the best, care for their wellbeing, health, behavior and happiness. You try to be a good role model, someone your kids want to be when they grow up, a good listener, someone who gives good advice. You love, respect and support your kids before anyone or anything else in the whole world.
The moment your child screams at you, talks back in a disrespectful manner, throws things around or slams the door – your self control disappears in a second! How can you be calm?! You worry sick for their safety, success in school, bullies, healthy nutrition, negative influences, how they behave online. You do your best to raise a healthy, successful adult and then you get back attitude as if you are your child’s worst enemy! In those moments, when kids push all the wrong buttons and all at the same time, you feel overwhelmed with emotions and good parenting seems like a dream that will never come true.
The following tips will help you understand how to develop good parenting skills, keep your calm and stay in control of your emotions when your kids are stressing you out:
– Keep the power in your hands. When kids misbehave, your first reaction is to resolve the situation by making them behave the way you think is right (i.e. you need them to stop fighting, stop yelling, hear you out etc). The problem with this is you focus on getting something you need from others instead of soothing your reactions. Once kids realize you need them to behave a certain way, they have power over you since they don’t have to do it. You start feeling out of control, stressed, angry and try to control even more; kids will fight back even more! Without even realizing it, in a few moments you have created a situation where everyone is acting out of anger and not out of thoughtfulness. This way the power struggle will never successfully end.
– Leave the battleground. One of basic rules of successful parenting is – never punish while angry. Take a deep breath, a few moments alone; listen to your favorite music, run on a treadmill or just lay on the bed in silence – anything that calms you down will do. Once you feel yourself again, you have the power to resolve the situation positively.
– Remind yourself why being calm is so important. Remember – calm creates calm. You’re an adult but it’s difficult even for you not to respond with stress and anger when someone is yelling at you. Kids know even less how to cope with emotions. Good parenting comes from being able to control yourself, your reactions and not allowing other people and situations to control you. The only way to do this is to stay calm.
– The only person you can control is you. Good parenting is about guidance, not control. Many parents are stressed because they feel responsible for everything their ckids do. You need to unload unnecessary pressure from yourself and realize your kids have their own personalities. You have to learn to respect they are individuals different from you. Controlling someone’s every move and decision – it’s impossible and ultimately wrong.
-Thought over emotion. Sane thinking and caring emotions are both necessary for good parenting. However, the one rule you shouldn’t ever doubt is – you will always create better solutions guided by thoughtfulness rather than emotions. Emotions are great indicators and very helpful for deeper insight into source of the problem, but they should be put aside while creating reasonable and productive solutions.
– Love yourself. The more you are happy and satisfied with yourself, the more you will project positive emotions toward others. Parents who deal with disrespectful children often get stuck in negative thinking, feeling they’ve failed as parents. Children will mirror parents’ anxiety and stress. Take your time to do things you like, pursue your hobbies and interests, spend time with your friends, sing, dance, laugh – replenish your spirit and do it often!
